


dirty little secret

by Prettything_uglylie



Series: The 100 [13]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bellamy has sexuality issues, Implied Sexual Content, Internal Conflict, Internalized Biphobia, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, more than implied i think
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-23
Updated: 2019-12-23
Packaged: 2021-02-25 06:28:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 577
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21911500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Prettything_uglylie/pseuds/Prettything_uglylie
Summary: Tumblr prompt, "my lips are sealed + murphamy"
Relationships: Bellamy Blake/John Murphy
Series: The 100 [13]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1275407
Comments: 4
Kudos: 27





	dirty little secret

**Author's Note:**

> This is one of my older prompts ofc. Hope you enjoy this!

His back had stood out in the glistening moonlight that poured through his curtains and though he sees the remnants of scars lining his back from his past, Bellamy thinks he's beautiful. He doesn't know if the scars are from Murphy's mother or from his abusive ex-girlfriend; he hasn't asked. Won't. Not when they are basically strangers, just strangers who like to sleep together. 

Bellamy wanted to be more than strangers, maybe he wasn't sure. He wanted to know where Murphy's scars came from, why Murphy can smile as brightly as he does, what Murphy wants to do with his future besides laying in bed and smoking a cigarette after they have sex. 

But he was scared. He truly was scared in a way that he knew he could never be out loud, but he was. He was so nervous that if he let himself focus on how Murphy's half-crescent moon smile glanced ar him over his shoulder as he prepares him gently or if he let himself look at Murphy's pretty face as he moans, looking up at Bellamy as they fuck or, god, if he talked to Murphy about his favorite books, his hopes, his dreams and everything he has ever done - god, Bellamy knows he could fall for Murphy. 

He could even fall for Murphy's sharp-tongued wit and the way he cries over things he's been through and Bellamy is so scared. 

Bellamy does not fear much but imagining his heart tied into this self-loathing boy's own heart scares him so badly. Imagining Octavia and the others finding out scares him even more than the idea of falling in love with Murphy. 

To Octavia, he has always been her strong older brother figure and he has always belonged... with a girl. Their mother used to talk to them about their futures would discuss how Bellamy and his future children and wife would be so wonderful to have his love... to be with a boy after all of that, after everything she had done for him and them to only end up with a boy when the only thing she had asked him for in return was grandchildren, feels like a spit in the eyes. 

But - but god, he wants to kiss Murphy, or wrap him up in blankets and watch movies with him while holding him. He wants so much with Murphy but he can't help but know he can't have it. 

He can't have any more than them fucking other, then them getting a chance to swap stolen kisses in bedrooms upstairs at parties. 

Staring away and glancing out the window, he sees the way that the street lamp glints off the sidewalk before he says, "This won't happen again." 

It breaks his heart and sends painful knots into his stomach but Murphy laughs bitterly and from the flick he hears, he guesses Murphy's finally obtained his lighter from his jean's pocket. "Sure." 

A part of him wants to hit Murphy. A part of him wants to feel Murphy's face crack under the pressure of his hands just so he doesn't have to look at Murphy, have to think about how pretty he is and how much he makes Bellamy want. He hates that part of himself so he hides it. He always hides. It's so much easier. 

"Just...don't - don't tell _anyone_." He hisses and he can feel Murphy's shrug hiding how deep his cornflower blue eyes look, 

"My lips are sealed." 

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked this! Kudos and comments are my bloodline!


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